Happiness is obviously a completely subjective perspective, once upon a time it was said that I was “living the dream”. Lounging around in Hollywood with access to as much egotistical, financial and sexual gratification I could wish for.. the thing is, was I ever really happy?
Yes in all honesty. I felt I was very superficially happy and to me that was good enough. Where I was, with what I knew, I was the happiest I’d been in a long time, perhaps in my life. Yet “comparisons are odious” some wise guy said and feeling better than depressed was perhaps not the best gauge moving towards any purposeful life. However even with the taste of hidden loneliness, I be-lie-ved I was sooo happy and was ready to die in an orgy of over-indulgences. That works fine for a while, the happier you think you are, the more attractive you become to others seeking external thrills. Before you know it everywhere you go someone is offering themselves for a piece of what they think you got. I met so many hungry souls looking to feel something with an(y)-other just to avoid themselves.
Somehow I kept landing on my feet. I kept waking up looking for who I AM was here to be? I came to realize I’d never really unlocked my why? Why I was so absorbed in getting it, hitting it, killing it. I never felt to look back and face my reasons. Obsessed with the hustle, I kept doing me until there was no one else around. You don’t have to reach that level of self-serving indulgence, I can tell you it gets dizzy real quick. Money and success can be a medicine, more accurately energy and attention can heal yet it also gets addictive. As I look back on my career I realized it was never the real source of happiness for me. Perhaps the path lead me a-way so I could learn too value the finer things?
My best memories came from the intangible and intimate moments I shared with friends, the innerstanding of spiritual growth and marveling at the wonders of the natural world. The rest was simply a distraction, I yearned to get back to my own vision of innerversity. As soon as I started discerning what happiness was for me, it evolved. The you-niverse keeps us moving this way, all those shiny things become dull eventually. Fake people really feel plastic and even when enough is enough they’re still hungry for more. I decided to stop feeding the false ego and real-eyes my true self, that I could always be enough for me. Leaving it all alone, you see you already have it all. Every thing we look for is looking for us. From deep within all I wanted was love and connection and I feel many of us have felt the same way. Until you can genuinely feel this alone, how could you ever relate the experience with another?
A lot of people, many of my closest friends get off the train at this stop. Getting any deeper into spirituality threatens their waking dreams. Many would rather stay drunk on fame champagne, creep around lost angels city and survive in their fiat monetary matrix. The J.O.B racket is to keep everyone “Just Over Broke” and competition is fierce to impress the other broke survivors in the club. Truth is I can love them still, I can literally be happy for my friends exactly where they are because I am truly happy with where I AM. Never let someone else’s reality slow you from growing yours. What made you happy as a child ain’t the same as today so why would it be for tomorrow? There is so much to be, do and share in this world, the first step is to get out the box and go travel, go appreciate the world.
Live a life of no regrets, follow your passion and happiness and you’ll all ways be in alignment. Accept as we grow and expand all things change so embrace that, don’t get stuck in any stagnant loops. That’s when people stop tasting their joy juice and start sipping the haterade. Sure detractors and distractors will come and when you are truly in your happy place, you won’t feel to react negatively. It’s easier to choose love and see them as the younger brothers and sisters they be.
That’s all for today, never wanting to sound too preachy these are just my expressions on a page. I’ve been blessed to start a new chapter, Kai’s world and story brings me the purest happiness I’ve ever felt. The paradox is.. can I truly detached from his happiness? Hell no, and that’s how we all stay on this incredible ride together LOL!
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